Deepest Wounds by Gordon

Author:Gordon [Brown, Gordon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Strident Publishing Limited
Published: 2018-04-19T08:28:44+00:00

Chapter 22

I walk down, back to the highway, heading away from the scene of the murder. Around me is darkness. I can’t see a single light indicating a house or any sign of life in the vicinity.

Car lights throw shadows in front of me. I’m far enough over not to be in danger of being hit. Unless someone loses it. Someone always loses it. It’s just a matter of time. A heart attack, spilt coffee, kid screaming, sneezing fit – any major distraction. Eye off the wheel, vehicle off the road. I wouldn’t see it coming. Hit by a car. Slammed by a truck. Rammed by a rig. Better to go out quickly. No warning. Roadkill. Someone else’s cleanup job. Not a nice one. But someone has to do it.

I read, or heard, that there are companies that specialize in such cleanups. Cleanup after suicides. Cleanup after murder. Cleanup after accidents. They know stuff. What works to remove brain matter from a woolen carpet? Do shredded guts need an acid or alkali removal agent? How do you get the last of those stubborn spinal fluid marks from the back of the fridge? Who knows what else?

I rub at my eye. Crack a knuckle. Flick at an invisible hair on my jacket. I don’t revisit the madness. I spend too long in that world. The whys and whats that have no answer. The insanity of it all. I want my head elsewhere. A new focus.

I start with my foot. My left foot. I concentrate on it. Focus on my toes. Work out what they’re feeling. I can feel the pressure from my shoes as I walk. I raise my thoughts to my ankle. Notice it’s hot. My lower leg. An itch. Thigh. Nothing. Stomach. Food needed. Chest. No heart attack. Head. Headache – but a gentle one. In the background. An Advil moment soon. Then back to my other foot and repeat the journey. Add in my arms then onto my breath. Cold blue in. Hot red out. Concentrate on the breathing. Nothing but the breathing. Envisage my lungs expanding and contracting. My mind wanders to the gas station. I drag it back to breathing. Where’s Charlie? I return to my breathing. Think about breathing. Always breathing.

It’s part of mindfulness. A nonsense that I now observe. For the moment I forget what has gone. I don’t look to what will be. It’s time to just be. To live in the now. A footstep is a precious commodity. Within it a second of living is counted. A heartbeat you cannot get back. So enjoy it. Work to immerse yourself in it.

My mind cuts free. Floating. Always take it back to the breathing when your mind wants to crawl over stuff. No past. No future. Only now.

Soon, thoughts vanish. Replaced with an unruffled peace. A dead calm in the center of a storm. A spinning light joins my breathing. Pulsing to the movement of my lungs. My eyes watch the pulse. It spreads across the land.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.